My chest tightening. My heart thrashing. My body suddenly starts trembling and just as suddenly becomes completely still. Paralyzed. I am paralyzed. It seems like a scene from a movie, a freeze frame merely to emphasize fear. But this isn’t a movie, this is real life, my life. Here I stand, each and every fiber of my being filled with fear.
Fear by definition is, “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.” The thing is I wasn’t in danger, I wasn’t in pain, I wasn’t threatened and yet fear still had a hold on me. Have you ever experienced one of these moments? Has fear ever immersed each and every inch of you?
I wish I could say that this is something I’ve only experienced once. But that would be a lie. I’ve felt this overwhelming fear on several occasions. Many of which were minuscule and yet somehow something small would become very vast. I cannot count the amount of times that this has happened but I can say that it often occurred prior to a pivotal moment, a life changing moment.
I had been waiting for what felt like eternity just watching countless women walk in and out. Almost all of them alone, like me. We were in a room with each other but I’m certain we all had never felt lonelier. Finally, the speaker we’ve been waiting for entered the room. The judgement in her eyes was evident. In her defense, she did just walk into a room of pregnant teenagers. The next 90 minutes would mark a turning point in my life. It would be the very first time I finally stood and said the words that had been lingering for the past few weeks.“I…want…an…abortion.”
The moment the words escaped my mouth all the fear vanished. Finally, I could think clearly. All that time I was anxious to admit how I had been feeling and yet the moment I said it I was able to see that the thought wasn’t mine, it was a dart the devil had thrown in my direction. The enemy feeds on fear. Much like a predator and their prey, he anxiously awaits moments of apprehension then makes his move. I was full of fear; the fear of being judged, the fear of being a teenage mother, the fear that my life would never be the same again. And it wasn’t. It was better.
Too often I hear someone say that they allowed fear to factor into their decisions, decisions that most regret making. I heard a quote in a movie once and I’d like to share it with you today. “The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.”
Let’s make a choice today.
Let’s choose to lay down our fears at the feet of Jesus.
Let’s choose to be free and fearless from this day forward.
“For God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7